How to be totally unproductive and achieve nothing.

Being very unproductive and achieving nothing is something I’m pretty skilled at.

So, I thought I’d share how I do that.

Disclaimer: These tips may not apply to everyone and in some cases they may even help you to be more productive, but I doubt it!

1. Get up late.

It’s great that I can get up whenever I want and still do my job but there’s no denying that mornings are made for working.

In order to bypass this prime-productivity-time I stay in bed longer than is necessary then amble around the house, heading to where I work around 10ish. I don’t actually get into work mode until 11am (more on that below). 

Before you know it it’s lunchtime. Got to take a break for lunch… from all that hard work I’ve been doing!

I can work late if I want to but I don’t really like working past 6pm. My evenings are my own after all. So, I really haven’t got long to cram in all this work…

2. First on the to do list… Check social media.

I’ve already checked Twitter/LinkedIn/Instagram (delete as appropriate or tick all of the above) once this morning but that was a few hours ago. It’s not even on the to do list but it’s so easy to get to and there’ll definitely be some new stuff to look at!

I scroll mindlessly, unable to pull myself from the grip of never-ending content. It just keeps coming.

And then I come across something I’ve already seen. 

I feel a kind of icky emptiness as I realise that’s it. I’ve consumed all the content I can consume. The hit is over. Until the next time I check…

3. Aimlessly start a task, picked at random from my to-do list.

I’ve got so much to do and I’ve got to do it all today. Right. First, open up a word document.

Stare at it for 10 minutes. What am I doing again?

My brain is a haze of all the things I need to do. When I finally start typing (absolute garbage) I suddenly remember something else that needs to be done today. 

Should I do that first?? And then there’s that thing. Totally unrelated to work but needs to be done – when am I going to fit that in? 

No. I should just crack on with this task. Ahh man this really is garbage…

4. Log on to Twitter/LinkedIn/Instagram/Facebook. Again.

I don’t even like Facebook.

But it’s there, it’s fresh. A guaranteed red dot for me to click on that will inevitably fill me with disappointment when I find it’s about someone’s post in a group I’ve been invited to but that I’m not actually in (seriously they will give you a notification about literally anything!).

But I click it anyway. Just in case it’s about me.

5. Log on to Twitter because I actually need it for a specific reason.

Oh yeah, there is actually a task on here that requires me to tweet from an account I manage; or find a link; or research something. Ok here we go…

20 minutes later I wake from a haze of mindless scrolling. A look of shock and then self-pity on my face. I hastily close the tab in frustration. Were the silly memes worth it? You’ve fallen for it again. You idiot.

There’s a slight delay before I remember that I was actually on there to do something semi-important. I curse and hesitantly open it up again.

Must not scroll, must not scroll…

6. Beat myself up for not working hard enough.

It comes to 3/4 o’clock. I’ve achieved nothing. No wins. If only I’d done more earlier. Scream into the void.

The stress of not having done work, the big to-do list I haven’t completed and all the other useless information from social media, floats around in my head. A big sludgy mess.

I beat myself up about it which just adds to the stress. After an hour of this it’s almost time to go home so there’s not much point in starting a new task. Ah well.

Looks like I’ve got nothing done. 

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In all seriousness though, these points all touch on areas that stunt my productivity. These events aren’t a daily occurrence but are definitely something I can relate to and I’m sure you probably can to.

The sooner you wake up, the more work you’re likely to get done. I think that’s pretty universal.

Checking social media or emails first thing is never a good idea and is a sure-fire way of misusing precious time and setting your priorities for the day all wrong.

There’s no denying that social media in general is a massive drain of productivity. Its addictive nature means we have to be super vigilant if we want to get stuff done, especially if we’re using it for work. 

Also, I’ve found that when I’m unproductive, beating myself up about it never helps. I just get more stressed. I find the best thing to do is accept responsibility for wasting time and don’t dwell on the past. Just press on. It’s only human and there’s always tomorrow.

Of course, you may be super disciplined and have managed to fully conquer these demons. In which case well done!